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What To Do When Santa Stops By.
Easy Holiday Combat Tips.
Warning: This article was made for entertainment purposes only.
So, you’re in bed on Christmas Eve and hear a jolly fat man thumping around on your roof. It’s either Santa or old Uncle Jed trying to take your child support checks again. Either way, you need a way to defend yourself.
Have a seat and drink more eggnog than at the family Christmas party when Cousin Sally started going on about her healing crystals again.
1. Hire Protection.
The Trojan man won’t be able to give you his protection, not for a job this big. When looking for the right protection, look for someone, or even a group of people, that have a vendetta against Saint Nick.
The best place to look is the local bar where you can find divorced spouses who are angry at Santa for not granting them their Christmas wish of either having their exes think about them or having their kids call them.
Their rage will only fuel their fists.
2. Date Mrs. Clause.
Nothing will get back at that Christmas Man like taking his wife as your lover. Slide into her DMs by taping a note to one of those rejected flying reindeer. What were their names? Ballsy or something.
